Moments That Matter: Tips for a Season of Strengthening Connections and Creating Meaningful Moments
The holiday season can be magical—but for youth in foster or kinship care, it can also be overwhelming, confusing, or emotionally challenging. Traditions may be unfamiliar, routines shift, and reminders of separation or loss often feel sharper this time of year. For caregivers, the goal becomes balancing celebration with sensitivity, providing stability while embracing flexibility, and honoring both the child’s past and their present.
Below are twelve key themes to guide families through the holiday season with compassion, intention, and understanding.
1. Managing Expectations With Empathy
Holidays can trigger mixed feelings for youth with trauma histories. Some may not enjoy the season or may experience the holidays differently than you wish they would. Ask them what the holidays mean to them and validate their feelings—whether that’s excitement, sadness, or indifference.
2. Festivities: Honor What Matters to Them
Before planning your holiday calendar, ask the youth in your care what traditions matter to them—or what new traditions they’d like to create. Whether it’s decorating cookies, watching a specific movie, attending a community event, or avoiding certain activities, their voice and choice matter. Involving them in decisions helps them feel included, valued, and respected.
3. Holidays in Your Home
Explain your family’s typical holiday routines well in advance. Go over what to expect, who will be there, and what kinds of activities happen. Remind youth that:
- They do not have to accept physical affection without consent.
- They do not need to eat foods they dislike.
- They don’t have to discuss anything they are uncomfortable sharing.
Share their boundaries and needs with friends and relatives ahead of time so the child doesn’t feel pressured or spotlighted.
4. Positive Interactions: Setting Healthy Boundaries
Talk with your extended family before gatherings. Prepare them to:
- Be sensitive to the youth’s comfort level
- Avoid personal questions
- Respect boundaries around physical contact, food, and conversation
- Focus on inclusion, encouragement, and patience
Setting expectations early prevents awkward moments and fosters a supportive environment.
5. Confidentiality Matters
Curiosity from others is often well-intentioned, but personal questions about the child’s history or why they are in care are inappropriate. Prepare a simple script for yourself and, when age-appropriate, discuss with the youth what they do or do not want shared. You might say:
- “Their story is private, but we’re really glad they’re with us this holiday.”
- “Some things are for them to share if and when they want to.”
Protecting their privacy reinforces safety and trust.
6. Relatives & Gifts
Extended family and friends should never feel obligated to buy gifts for a youth in foster or kinship care. Still, children often compare the number of gifts they receive with siblings or peers—and this can deeply impact their sense of belonging. Consider having small “backup” gifts on hand to maintain balance, especially during large family gatherings.
7. Gift-Giving as a Shared Experience
Help the youth decide:
- Who they want to give gifts or cards to
- Whether they’d like to make or buy small gifts
- What traditions your family has around gift exchange
Gift-giving can be empowering—when it is led by the child and supported gently, not pressured.
8. Birth Family Connections
Before holiday events begin, talk with the child’s caseworker about:
- Whether birth family contact can increase
- If the child can exchange gifts or cards
- Additional phone or video call options
- Including birth parents or siblings in certain traditions, when appropriate
Most importantly, ask the child how they feel about involving their birth family and respect their level of comfort.
9. Behavior Changes Are Communication
Holidays can heighten feelings of grief, loss, fear, or uncertainty. Youth may:
- Become withdrawn or quiet
- Have emotional outbursts
- Show increased anxiety
- Struggle with routine changes or cancelled visits
Remember, behavior is communication. Acknowledge their resilience and celebrate small victories—sharing with a sibling, offering help, or managing a tough moment are all signs of incredible strength.
Allow space for:
- Downtime and decompression
- One-on-one connection
- Access to mental health supports
Detachment is not rejection—it is often a coping skill.
10. Spend Time Together
The most valuable gift you can give is time. Simple activities—board games, baking, watching a favorite show, taking a walk—build trust and connection. These moments allow the child’s true personality to shine, beyond what’s written in a case file.
11. Create Mementos
Photos, crafts, ornaments, and homemade treats can become treasured memories. Offer the youth choices—what to make, what to photograph, what traditions to capture. Even though this may not be an ideal chapter in their lives, positive memories created now can bring comfort and joy for years to come.
12. Reconnecting With Past Connections
If appropriate and approved, consider reaching out to youth who previously lived with your family or maintaining bridges with former caregivers or important figures from the child’s past. Familiar connections can be especially grounding during the holidays.
Above all, remember to breathe, laugh when you can, and give yourself the same grace you give the youth in your care.
Supporting a child during the holidays requires patience, compassion, and flexibility—but the warmth, safety, and moments of connection you create can have a lifelong impact.
References:
https://www.fosterclub.com/12ideas